I know that you have argued many times that marriage as we have traditionally understood is not mandated by the Bible, nor was it practiced. On that many of us disagree. So be it.
Can we agree that the Bible doesn't mandate a state license nor does it even tell us of vows being shared between couples who are being married? (About all we know about their marriage celebration from biblical accounts is that they drank a lot: the wedding at Cana and Jacob was so inebriated that he didn't realize he went to bed with Leah rather than Rachel.)
But how many people, in general, do you honestly believe have "discovered" your interpretation? In all my years of ministry I must admit that your interpretation sounds novel. Usually I heard the argument of "we don't need a license from the government to be legitimately married." But I don't remember people generally discounting Adam and Eve's union in Genesis or other areas of scripture traditionally seen as defining marriage as unrelated to marriage, or hearing people argue whether the word "marriage" is even used in critical passages. For the record, in the Small Catechism, Luther interpreted the 6th commandment as calling for a person to lead a "sexually pure and decent life," which was given in addition to loving and honoring ones spouse. Only in recent decades would many people tend to think that unrestricted sex outside of marriage is a neutral, non-moral issue. One seldom hears a person saying two people are "living in sin," or that a baby was "born out of wedlock." Young women are no longer escorted out of their communities to have their babies elsewhere to avoid community shaming. In fact, many regular church goers today seem to celebrate such births with as much enthusiasm and approval as they do for the married, and see absolutely no problem with the cohabitation. They may occasionally say something to their pastors in passing, such as: "Well I don't approve of it," but one wonders how strongly they feel on this point and are simply telling the pastor what they think he wants to hear. Many parents simply remain silent on the issue out of fear of alienating themselves from their children or grand-children. Clearly the prevailing culture of the late 20th century to the present has 'won the day.' I am pleased that in a few short years I will no longer have to have discussions with young couples about their living status and the church's requirement to honor the place of sex only within marriage. I suspect at this point that what I am told in the office is quickly ignored when they are well out of my sight. I am not naive, but deeply disappointed in where things have gone in the church.
Perhaps 35 years ago I read an essay that called on all Christian pastors to stop signing marriage licenses. Marriages in the church should be about asking God's blessings on the couple and their new life together. That was separate from the state's license of creating a legal partnership. The essay further suggested that the elderly who might lose benefits with the state license, could still be married in a church. They would be united under God, but not under the state.
There was a pretty clear understanding that the state license gave some benefits, but it did not make a marriage. Too many ended in divorce or unhappiness. I've said this before, but marriage is based on the commitments that the couple make to each other. As such, it doesn't just happen with a ceremony and a license. It is a growing process that can begin with the first date, and second, third, and subsequent dates, engagement, marriage, and growing through the stages of the marriage: a couple, a family with children, empty nesting, retirement. Involved in the growing commitment will be sexual acts. The following is "the road to arousal" given by Ray E. Short in
Sex, Love, or Infatuation: How Can I Really Know?, p. 121.
Full RepressionHolding handsHuggingCasual kissingSerious kissingFrench kissing(?)Breasts coveredBreasts baredGenitals coveredGenitals baredOral sex(?)Genital to GenitalSexual IntercourseHe includes these principles:
Principal 1: Avoid the two extremes.Principal 2: Don’t light more fires than you can put out.Principal 3: Avoid all chance of pregnancyPrincipal 4: Set your own limit – and stick to it.Principal 5: Couples who care, should share.He, and I think all of us, would say that some of these behaviors will take place before couples marry. His advice is to draw the line as to how far one is willing to go before marriage while one is not aroused, and stick to the line (see principal 2).
My point with this is to indicate that marriage is not about going from full repression before marriage and everything after the ceremony. Marriage as commitment and the sexual expressions of love, are things that grow and develop between the couple. The public ceremony and license signing is just a step in the ongoing process.
