Author Topic: Lutheran Levity Part 2  (Read 1910 times)

Dave Likeness

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Lutheran Levity Part 2
« on: May 24, 2019, 02:10:51 PM »
Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden and feeling extremely lonely.  So God asked Adam:
"Do you have a problem?"   Adam replied: "I do not have anyone to talk with."

Then, God told Adam that He was going to give him a companion and it would be a woman.
God said to Adam: "This woman will cook  for you, wash your laundry and keep you content.
She will agree with all your decisions and never argue with you.  She will bear your children
and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.  She will not nag
you or ever say that you made a mistake.  She will show you love and compassion at all times."

Adam asked God, "What would a woman like this cost me?"
God said, " An arm and a leg."
Adam said, "What can I get for just a rib?"

Of course the rest of the story is now history.

Dave Likeness

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Re: Lutheran Levity Part 2
« Reply #1 on: May 24, 2019, 04:48:57 PM »
After having children, Adam and Eve started to get plenty of questions from them.
One day their son, Seth, asked why the family no longer lived in the Garden of Eden.
Adam quickly replied, "Your mother ate us out of house and home."

Dave Likeness

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Re: Lutheran Levity Part 2
« Reply #2 on: May 24, 2019, 05:01:47 PM »
Eve had told her son how God provided a wife for Adam by taking her from Adam's rib.
One day Seth was laying on his side on the ground in great pain.  Seth cries out to his
mother, Eve: "I think I am having a wife."

readselerttoo

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Re: Lutheran Levity Part 2
« Reply #3 on: May 25, 2019, 12:40:15 AM »
Eve had told her son how God provided a wife for Adam by taking her from Adam's rib.
One day Seth was laying on his side on the ground in great pain.  Seth cries out to his
mother, Eve: "I think I am having a wife."

 ;D ;D

Dave Likeness

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Re: Lutheran Levity Part 2
« Reply #4 on: May 25, 2019, 09:55:28 AM »
Feel free to share your own Lutheran Levity on this thread.

It is important to live a balanced life and have a sense of humor.
A good laugh can brighten your day and reduce your stress level.

Dave Likeness

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Re: Lutheran Levity Part 2
« Reply #5 on: May 25, 2019, 10:05:37 AM »
A recently married young couple started to argue about who should make the coffee in the morning.
As a Christian woman, the wife told her husband: "The Bible specifically states that men should be
 the ones to make coffee.

Her Christian husband was puzzled and asked where that was in the Bible. The wife confidently
opened her Bible to the New Testament.  She found the book that said, "HEBREWS".

readselerttoo

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Re: Lutheran Levity Part 2
« Reply #6 on: May 25, 2019, 01:29:09 PM »
A recently married young couple started to argue about who should make the coffee in the morning.
As a Christian woman, the wife told her husband: "The Bible specifically states that men should be
 the ones to make coffee.

Her Christian husband was puzzled and asked where that was in the Bible. The wife confidently
opened her Bible to the New Testament.  She found the book that said, "HEBREWS".



Also the beer!  in New Braunfels, TX!  https://www.lcmc.net/church-plant/111029

Charles Austin

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Re: Lutheran Levity Part 2
« Reply #7 on: May 25, 2019, 04:22:23 PM »
I’ve been around longer than some people here, but I’m at the point where every time someone attempts to tell me a Lutheran joke or a clergy joke or religion joke and when they speak the first line I know I’ve already heard it at least five or six times. So I listen politely while working up the proper kind of fake laugh that the story requires.
Retired ELCA Pastor. Iowa native. Now in Minneapolis. One must always ponder both the value and the dangers of poking the bear. Aroused and stimulated, the bear usually shows its true self. Or it might leap to an extreme version of itself. You never know with bears.

Coach-Rev

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Re: Lutheran Levity Part 2
« Reply #8 on: May 26, 2019, 07:53:26 AM »
"Debbie downer" aside just above (or "Charles curmudgeon?"), this one always gets a small chuckle:

http://debruns.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/PastorPriestRabbiWalkIntoABar.jpg
"The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never know if they are genuine." - Abraham Lincoln

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photography:  https://jeffcottingham.smugmug.com/

Terry W Culler

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Re: Lutheran Levity Part 2
« Reply #9 on: May 26, 2019, 08:13:51 AM »
Pr. Johannson was given a kitten but last Wednesday he found it atop a small tree in his yard, just a little too high for him to reach.  But being of sound Norwegian stock he had an idea.  He tied a rope to the tree and to the bumper of his car thinking that he could bend the tree down far enough to reach the kitten.  When he tried to reach the kitten he found it was still to high so he got back in his car and pulled forward just a bit more.  Unfortunately the rope broke and the kitten was sent flying over the roof of the parsonage.  Pr. Johannson looked all over the neighborhood but couldn't find it.  On Friday he was in the grocery store and met one who his parishioners who had a large bag of cat food in her cart.  The lady was a well known hater of all things cat.  So the pastor asked the lady if she had changed her mind about feline friends.  She said no, but two days ago I told my daughter that she could only have a cat if God sent her one.  The little girl went out into the back yard, knelt and prayed.  As I watched a kitten suddenly came out of the sky and landed right next to her.  What could I do? :o
Trying to be retired but failing

Charles Austin

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Re: Lutheran Levity Part 2
« Reply #10 on: May 26, 2019, 10:26:31 AM »
The nine-year-old boy was looking at the memorial plaque in the church’s narthex and its list of names, each marked with the emblem of their uniformed service.
“What are those names?” the boy asked the pastor.
“Those are the names Of the men who died in the service,” the pastor said.
The boy asked, “the 8:30 or 11 o’clock?”
Retired ELCA Pastor. Iowa native. Now in Minneapolis. One must always ponder both the value and the dangers of poking the bear. Aroused and stimulated, the bear usually shows its true self. Or it might leap to an extreme version of itself. You never know with bears.

Dave Likeness

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Re: Lutheran Levity Part 2
« Reply #11 on: May 26, 2019, 01:31:29 PM »
A Christian woman came home from her Wednesday night Bible Study at church.
She was surprised to discover her house was being robbed.  So the woman shouted
out: "Acts 2:38, Repent and Be Baptized and your sins will be forgiven."

The robber quickly gave up without a fight.  The lady promptly phoned the police.
While handcuffing the thief, the policeman asked him., "Why did you surrender
immediately with no resistance?"  The robber answered, "This woman said she
had an axe and two 38's."

Nurseken7

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Re: Lutheran Levity Part 2
« Reply #12 on: June 10, 2019, 05:03:07 PM »
There is the Association of Free Lutheran Congregations so I guess they call the LCMS and ELCA the locked up Lutherans

Dave Likeness

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Re: Lutheran Levity Part 2
« Reply #13 on: June 10, 2019, 05:48:11 PM »
When you become frustrated and disappointed, fearful and depressed,
do not let your worries get the best of you!

Remember.................................. Moses started out as a basket case.

Dave Likeness

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Re: Lutheran Levity Part 2
« Reply #14 on: June 10, 2019, 05:56:39 PM »
In the Old Testament the Philistine giant named Goliath was almost 10 feet tall.
This made it difficult for him to communicate with his mother.  One day he said to her:
"Why do you always say 'I look down on you?' "