Author Topic: Lutheran Levity  (Read 28800 times)

Dave Likeness

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Re: Lutheran Levity
« Reply #30 on: March 15, 2013, 10:30:34 AM »
A young family had moved to the St. Louis area
and were shopping for a new church.  The husband
talked to the pastor of a Lutheran parish in the
suburbs after the Sunday service. 

He asked, "Pastor, how many members do you have
in your congregation?"  The pastor replied, "I have
 800 active members.  There are 400 working for me
and 400 working against me."

Donald_Kirchner

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Re: Lutheran Levity
« Reply #31 on: March 15, 2013, 10:36:16 AM »
Start with a cage containing five monkeys. In the cage, hang a banana on a string and put stairs under it. Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the monkeys with cold water.

After a while, another monkey will make an attempt with the same response -- all of the monkeys are sprayed with cold water. Keep this up for several days.

Turn off the cold water. If, later, another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it even though no water sprays them.

Now, remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his horror, all of the other monkeys attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.

Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm.

Replace the third original monkey with a new one. The new one makes it to the stairs and is attacked as well. Two of the four monkeys that beat him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs, or why they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey.

After replacing the fourth and fifth original monkeys, all the monkeys which have been sprayed with cold water have been replaced. Nevertheless, no monkey ever again approaches the stairs.

Why not?

"Because that's the way it's always been done around here."

Like Lutherans?
Don Kirchner

"Heaven's OK, but itís not the end of the world." Jeff Gibbs

jeric

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Re: Lutheran Levity
« Reply #32 on: March 15, 2013, 01:43:00 PM »
That monkey story is sort of like the guest speaker's comment as he put the cord from the lavalier mike around his neck.  He paused, looked at the congregation and said, "A hundred years from now this motion of encircling the neck will be a firmly entrenched liturgical fixture, and nobody will know why."

John Ericksen


Tim Schenks

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Re: Lutheran Levity
« Reply #33 on: March 16, 2013, 09:12:54 AM »
Tim Schenks, if the Roman Catholic Church has
1.2 billion members worldwide and they allow
115 Cardinals to choose their leader, then the
LCMS with 2.3 million members in America can
allow 42 clergymen to choose their leader.

Bottom Line: You know it, I know it and all
Christians know it, the Church is not a democracy.

And I suppose if they wanted to jump off a cliff you would too...  :P

Brian Stoffregen

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Re: Lutheran Levity
« Reply #34 on: March 16, 2013, 01:40:18 PM »
Tim Schenks, if the Roman Catholic Church has
1.2 billion members worldwide and they allow
115 Cardinals to choose their leader, then the
LCMS with 2.3 million members in America can
allow 42 clergymen to choose their leader.

Bottom Line: You know it, I know it and all
Christians know it, the Church is not a democracy.

And I suppose if they wanted to jump off a cliff you would too...  :P


When Dick Smothers said that to his brother, Tom answered, "Not again."
"The church Ö had made us like ill-taught piano students; we play our songs, but we never really hear them, because our main concern is not to make music, but but to avoid some flub that will get us in dutch." [Robert Capon, _Between Noon and Three_, p. 148]

Dave Likeness

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Re: Lutheran Levity
« Reply #35 on: April 02, 2013, 10:06:48 AM »
Pope Francis continues his efforts to be a priest
of the people:

1) Furniture for his 2 room apartment has been
purchased from Goodwill.
2) He has canceled the cable television contract.
3) He has signed up for Meals on Wheels.
4) His vestments will be purchased from Walmart's
Albs R Us..
5) The Pope-Mobile will be traded in for a motorcycle.

John Mundinger

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Lifelong Evangelical Lutheran layman

Whoever, then, thinks that he understands the Holy Scriptures, or any part of them, but puts such an interpretation upon them as does not tend to build up this twofold love of God and our neighbour, does not yet understand them as he ought.  St. Augustine

Dave Likeness

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Re: Lutheran Levity
« Reply #37 on: April 06, 2013, 12:21:38 PM »
What is the most possible dramatic headline
that the New York Times newspaper could  have?

THE POPE ELOPED

This headline would signal that we can once
again have married priests.

Charles_Austin

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Re: Lutheran Levity
« Reply #38 on: April 06, 2013, 12:50:07 PM »
Except that the word, "the," is generally not used in headline-writing.
It would be "Pope eloped! Pontiff ties knot with Greek film-star turned Orthodox Nun"
"Couple Spotted on Wealthy Greek's Yacht off Almafi Coast"
"Pope's Marriage Signals Reunion of Eastern Church With Rome"
"Pope and Bride To Maintain Apartment in Istanbul"
"Mrs. Bergoglio Once Played Sexpot Roles Before Entering Convent"
"Four Vatican Cardinals Succumb to Heart Attacks"

Brian Stoffregen

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Re: Lutheran Levity
« Reply #39 on: April 06, 2013, 01:25:10 PM »
What is the most possible dramatic headline
that the New York Times newspaper could  have?

THE POPE ELOPED

This headline would signal that we can once
again have married priests.


Nope, it would indicate that the pope had abdicated his vows and was no longer going to be a priest.


I'm reading a history of the Roman Catholic Church, and for a period of time, there were a number of pope's who had illegitimate children. Apparently, that was acceptable (or probably more accurately, confessed and forgiven) - but marriage was not.
"The church Ö had made us like ill-taught piano students; we play our songs, but we never really hear them, because our main concern is not to make music, but but to avoid some flub that will get us in dutch." [Robert Capon, _Between Noon and Three_, p. 148]

Jay Michael

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Re: Lutheran Levity
« Reply #40 on: April 06, 2013, 02:24:57 PM »
What is the most possible dramatic headline
that the New York Times newspaper could  have?

THE POPE ELOPED

This headline would signal that we can once
again have married priests.
Nope, it would indicate that the pope had abdicated his vows and was no longer going to be a priest.

I'm reading a history of the Roman Catholic Church, and for a period of time, there were a number of pope's who had illegitimate children. Apparently, that was acceptable (or probably more accurately, confessed and forgiven) - but marriage was not.

Cardinal Timothy Dolan here in a teaching moment with Charlie Rose (about 7:10 into the interview) distinguishes between doctrine (that which does not change) and church discipline (that which may change) and that priestly celibacy is a discipline which according to Cardinal Dolan could be changed ... but probably will not change ... unlike the ordination of women as priests which is a doctrine and cannot change ... according to Cardinal Dolan.

carlvehse

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Re: Lutheran Levity
« Reply #41 on: April 06, 2013, 05:24:21 PM »
Hypothetical headlines about a papal elopement suggest a "double dactyl" comment:

Popally, Faux-Pas-ly
Jorge Bergoglio
Weds a Greek film star, now
Orthodox Nun;

Lutherans mull if it's
nonecumenical
to say "Frau Antichrist"
or "Frankie's hon".

Dave Likeness

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Re: Lutheran Levity
« Reply #42 on: April 15, 2013, 09:24:45 AM »
It seems humorous to me that one poster has
now put a smiley face over his head picture.
At the same time another poster has removed
all  hair from his head picture except for the
fuzz above his lips.

                   What is  the real reason?

 1)Are  these desperate moves to get attention?
 2)Are they preparing to meet their Maker?
 3) Does ObamaCare call for disguises?

You can only vote for one answer, thank you.

Charles_Austin

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Re: Lutheran Levity
« Reply #43 on: April 15, 2013, 09:40:18 AM »
This humble correspondent is merely going visually "anonymous" as a mild, light-hearted (well, maybe not so light-hearted) poke at those hiding behind total anonymity in this modest forum.
It would be better for me not to comment on Mr. Erdner's hair loss.  ;D

George Erdner

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Re: Lutheran Levity
« Reply #44 on: April 15, 2013, 09:43:12 AM »
It seems humorous to me that one poster has
now put a smiley face over his head picture.
At the same time another poster has removed
all  hair from his head picture except for the
fuzz above his lips.

                   What is  the real reason?

 1)Are  these desperate moves to get attention?
 2)Are they preparing to meet their Maker?
 3) Does ObamaCare call for disguises?

You can only vote for one answer, thank you.


I already provided the correct answer for my change of hairstyle. It is to draw attention to a private sector charity. I support private sector charities as a better means of fighting disease than having the government do it. And, when I do meet my Maker, what I've done to help others won't make a difference on salvation or not, but I suspect He might give me an "Attaboy". If He doesn't, I'm still glad I did it.