I was a brand new chaplain on my first ship. We were tied to the pier, and one morning a very senior officer came to speak with me. His story sounded like a movie script: his wife woke him the previous night and said she thought someone was in the house. He took his pistol and walked downstairs. Sure enough, there was someone in the house. He chased them out the door yelling for the intruder to stop. The intruder continued to run into the back yard by the garage. The officer fired his weapon.
He reflected that he learned two things. First, it's not a good idea to shoot a hole in your own boat parked by the garage. Second, it's impossible to aim and defecate at the same time.
He was late to work that morning because he went first to a police station to turn in his weapon.